Have You Ever Wondered Why Bullies Bully?

Have You Ever Wondered Why Bullies Bully?

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“When my 11-year-old stepson, who I’ll call Josh, came home with a sprained wrist and a head injury as a result of bullying, nothing seemed so simple” recalls Lisa Modifica when telling the story of her families experience with bullying. “Nothing seemed so simple” she said. Lisa was right. Bullying is far more complicated than people expect and trying to get rid of it is even less simple.

When bullying occurs, we as a population always sympathize with the victim because victims of bullying have increased risks of mental health problems and suicidal thoughts. What everyone tends to forget though, is that the person who does the bullying typically has a reason behind it. Not like someone should ever side with the bully, but bullies don’t just wake up one day and say “I’m gonna make someone cry today”. 

Just like psychopaths and sociopaths, bullies also have pain behind the pain they’re causing. People who bully others want to feel a sense of power and superiority, often because they have their own undealt with emotional or physical trauma, therefore having similar symptoms of those that are bullied.

“Bullying is when people deliberately use words or actions repeatedly against an individual or a group to cause physical, social and/or psychological harm.” We've all heard the negative consequences and statistics associated with bullying victims. The United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) reports an overall bullying victimization (BV) rate of 32% in 11-year-olds. Bullying is considered a public health crisis which is a situation or complex health system that affects humans in one or more geographic areas and usually has serious effects on health and the economy. Since bullying happens all over the world and can affect people’s health, it falls under this category.

Among the victims, bulling can lead to loneliness, anxiety, and depression in children. Children who are bullied also have an increased likelihood to have suicidal thoughts or actions.

One in four children get bullied each year in the United States, which is an unfortunately high ratio.

According to Denis Sukhodolsky, PhD, an associate professor in the Yale Child Study Center, “The magnitude effect of bullying on anxiety, depression, and low-self esteem is remarkably high”. What is interesting though, is this is true for both bully victims and bullies alike.

“Bullies feel the negative effects of their behavior” says Sukhodolsky.  

What no one talks about is the bully’s perspective. Why do bullies bully?

People who bully tend to have qualities associated with aggression, frustration, low levels of empathy, trouble controlling their emotions, trouble accepting accountability for their actions, and they may even show desire for power. Sometimes though, bullies may have experienced bullying themselves.

Bullies may have difficulties with health, schoolwork and self-esteem, may be emotionally neglected, bullied, abused or be experiencing violence themselves. They are more likely to have lifelong issues such as depression or problems with aggression. There is some research that says bullies may take on a “bully-victim role”. The American Psychological Association claims that these early adolescents report experiencing about the same level of psychological issues as victims. However, they receive little support.

A perfect example of this comes from research done by the Yale Child Study Center. Kerry, whose name was changed for privacy purposes, is a 17-year-old girl attending a high school in Connecticut. According to her mom, “she has had real bouts and instances of being bullied and, unfortunately, of her being the bully.”

Kerry has ADHD and anxiety and struggles with anger issues. This often results in her being insensitive and not recognizing the line she is crossing when she crosses it. She began work with the Child Study Center in cognitive behavioral therapy and is showing a lot of progress.

Kerry’s struggles with her own mental health led her to the ability to cross the line without realizing it. This is true for a lot of bullies as they take their own struggles out on other people. Kerry’s progress is a good sign because it shows that there may actually be a way to stop this bullying epidemic.

When we think of bullying, the bully is always the bad guy. Not that viewing it this way is wrong, it’s true, the bully is the villain. You’re probably thinking, “well obviously,” but as shown, often the bully is also someone who is struggling and just needs help. Most people think that the key to stopping bullying is to build a positive environment, whether that be work, camp, or school. While yes, creating a positive and friendly environment may limit bullying, it doesn’t solve the root of the problem.

That root being mental health.

 People who are bullies want attention, they want to be seen, which often comes from a feeling of inferiority. Sometimes they are just so distraught they want others to feel how they feel. Helping people with their mental health is the only way to completely eradicate bullying, among other public issues.

 Kerry, from the Yale Child Study Center, experienced success with cognitive behavioral therapy. This is a type of psycho-social therapy whose goal is to reduce mental health conditions. Putting those who struggle and inevitably become bullies through this type of therapy can help them to express their feelings in a way that doesn’t hurt others. Between this and the creation of positive environments, bullying may begin to decrease.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

We as a generation tend to only focus on ourselves, which isn’t necessarily a problem, however, it tends to leave us blindsided to the world around us. When bullying occurs, people just turn their head and walk away. In order to help those that are bullied and help prevent bullies from bullying, we need step in when we see instances of bullying, not just look the other way and pretend we didn’t see it.

It may not seem like it, but bullying is a bigger problem than many people realize. Unfortunately though, the only way to eliminate bullying is to target the bully themselves. People who become bullies only do so because of their own trauma. By helping the bully work through their own mental problems, they will feel less of a need to assert power or hurt others feelings. Articles and essays on bullies tend to hyperfocus on the victim but in order to eliminate bullying as a public health crisis, the focus needs to be shifted to the bully.